Living Life in Limbo!

By Becky Hallman

I don't know about you, but life hasn’t always turned out the way I expected! Sprinkled amidst life’s joys, successes and celebrations I have had my share of dashed dreams. Dashed dreams for me include ... not becoming a gifted pianist like my mom (it took me FOREVER to learn one miserable piece), not owning a candy store (I would've devoured all my hard-earned profits!) and drumroll please.... becoming a pastor's wife (my parents were in pastoral ministry, and I didn't want to marry a pastor – that is, until I fell in LOVE with BOB)! LOL

While most dashed dreams in life are short-lived and of little consequence, occasionally, they are significant and require “Living Life in Limbo”!

It's been over two and a half years since Bob was diagnosed with cancer and I am SO incredibly grateful he's still here and doing well! However, at times it feels like we’re “Living Life in Limbo”. At the beginning I felt so anxious about our future and worried about how much time Bob had left. I spent the first year thanking God that Bob was doing well, yet mourning the loss of ministry as we once knew it, eating whatever we wanted (we love Korean Kalbi, Kalua Pig, Poke Bowls, Hula Pie, etc.) and the assumption that we would grow old together. Every time he would have a setback, I would worry that it might be the "bend in the road" from which he would never recover. Yet God has been very gracious in giving us more time together -- more time for dates, more time for laughter, more time for long talks, more time with family and more time for unexpected platforms of fruitful ministry. Looming over all of this is the reality that Bob could drop dead at anytime — not from cancer, but from his hormone treatments that can do long-term damage to his heart and liver.  

So how is God helping me navigate “Living Life in Limbo”? Here are some truths that continually steady me and hopefully will encourage you:

1. I Don’t Need to Worry!

Jesus talked at length about not worrying about our lives--even the essentials like food and clothes! In Matthew 6:34, He concluded saying, "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." This verse radically impacted me when we realized cancer was spreading throughout Bob's bones. I have no control over Bob's length of life (or mine) and worrying about my tomorrows only adds unnecessary stress and robs me of the joys of today. So, I choose to be grateful for Today (Psalm 118:24)! As someone aptly quipped, "Worry is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but gets you nowhere!"  

2. I’m in the Center of God’s Will!

 
I've been reading in Exodus about the Israelites' miraculous deliverance from slavery and their long pilgrimage in the desert. They were right smack in the center of God's will, yet they endured many hardships (no water, no food, no homes). I (we) can be right in the center of God's will and yet be suffering hardships and loss. Instead of grumbling and complaining about my circumstances, I can choose to thank God that He's always with us, sovereign over our lives and will faithfully provide what we need. Paul exhorts us "Be joyful always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus" (I Thessalonians 5:16-18).

3. I Can be Content!

I love thinking about Paul's life and example. Recently I've been meditating on Philippians 4 -- such a great passage! Talk about “Living Life in Limbo”!! Here he was, under house arrest for two years with a “Big Question Mark” looming over his future. He didn't know if/when he'd be released or how long he would live. Yet, in the midst of uncertainty and prison, he confidently asserted "I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength." (Philippians 4:12,13). I'm learning to choose to rejoice in the Lord and to be content, as well. Content with cancer, content with uncertainty, content with losing friendships and so on.  

Maybe, like me, you feel like you’re “Living Life in Limbo” because of your present trials and challenges. What a wonderful thing to know we don’t need to worry, we can be confident we are in the center of God’s will and we can be content -- all while “Living Life in Limbo”!

If you can relate to what was shared here, or you were blessed by something we shared, be sure to leave us a comment.